BILLY GROSBARD, Pt. 3 - IVERS AND JOHNSON AND ME

15. BILLY GROSBARD, Part 3 - IVERS AND JOHNSON AND ME (nyc, 1967):

The light was like a figment and I tired of the pretense so I stayed in the dark as much as I could - running amok at night mostly - through the darkened dead street loft-to loft making contacts and friends talking to this or that accomplice-in-art some performance geek making naked movies with blue sheets as backdrop in cheapened loft stage-sets hammered together with blood and sex and nails and there'd be a sandwich or two and a sink with a nozzle and a bunch of crap clothes lying around and if Noah - I used to think - if Noah saved the world for this and this alone he was sadly fucking mistaken by ever making that boat and God too should have kept his head in the clouds where it belonged for there weren't nothing alive left yet worth saving and now this was nothing but fornication for pay just like the rest of the world all those suit and tie bastards we'd see running to Wall Street and their finance-district whorehouses fucking with fingers pumping with dicks every deal and angle they could find - funding murders and wars and armaments of chemicals and bombs and death and destruction and the constabulary on their side did nothing just gave pretense and obsequies to the power and the right proclaimed by the sleazy and nasty military slowly taking things over - Fort This and Fort That filled with ass-lickers liars and killers all mixed together with a faked ideology of bravado and shame and I was for one sick of it all and I swore to myself that if I saw one more soldier-boy baby-face talking at me in favor of his war his land his country at any diner all-night eatery in front of me I swore to myself I'd kill him and I did when it had to be - my trusty Ivers and Johnson .22 never leaving my inside undershirt belt-strap just in case - it was a funny time and place to be and one you had to think about all the time - the angles had to stay fresh and stay sharp this active resistance this law-breaking fight-back to break the power and the strength of the force that was holding down and destroying society - so I was on a double-mission just like this : living on the streets alone and single but with a force behind me and a place to be and go not really lost but lost as any nonetheless and I fought back and mostly won resistance activism turnabout-is-fair-play and all that stuff and if I ever had the pawnshop blues I never felt them for a minute and I kept ALL my contacts alive and often thought often 'Billy Grosbard where are you now?'